The Stache

Thank you Corporate Capitalism

A Bear and a Rabbit are both taking a shit in the woods.
The Bear says to the Rabbit, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"
The Rabbit says, "No."
So, the Bear grabs the Rabbit and Wipes his ass.
To be the Bear or part of the bear is evil, to be the Rabbit is Naive.
Behold, you are sent out as sheep among wolves; therefore be wise as serpents, yet innocent as doves.

"People who treat other people as less than human must not be surprised when the bread they have cast on the waters comes floating back to them, poisoned."-James Baldwin

A Dishonest-honest Beggar

Well here's a story for you-Roughly four years ago, I was in a southern college town in North Carolina, on the main drag, waiting for someone. (By the way, if you don't know, main drags in small southern towns consist of liberal coffee shops that play jazz, a pizza shop, and a kitchy greeting card shop.)
WHO CARES WHOM I WAS WAITING FOR! THAT'S NOT THE POINT!
A man approaches me; "Hey mister."
"Hello." I respond. I am not used to being called Mister. Usually people call me Squire, or Your Eminence, so naturally I am a bit put off.
" I need a little help." (Here it comes.) "Well its like this. My wife is mean. She's just a mean tramp. We were driving from Raleigh to High Point, and she started yelling at me for no reason! She often does this. Hey do you have another cigarette?....thanks!" (He lights, takes a puff and continues.) "So shes yelling at me and I get a bit angry. She kicks me out of the car and drives off. Well, about a minute later the car breaks down. Did I mention we need to get to Charlotte it pick up the kids? My mother is sick man. We have to get to Charlotte to get on an airplane to fly to Chicago to pay mother's hospital bill. All I need is five bucks. I work hard. But I just can't seem to make it."
"Sorry bud. I ain't got cash."
He is crestfallen. "Oh OK well, god bless you and you have a blessed day." I then go into the book store to look at the fancy glossy magazines, hoping he will go away. When I exit the store, the same man, looking very sheepish returns to me.
"Hey man. I'm sorry to bother you again. I just feel bad. All of that was bullshit." (REALLY??!!?!?) "I am a coke addict and I really did try to quit but I'm hurtin and I needed a fix. I just wanted to get wasted to make this pain go away temporarily. I'm sorry I lied. It was dishonest." He walks away.
I think to my self, how did he expect to use five bucks to pay for marriage counseling, a new transmission, gas to High Point for no apparent reason, then gas to Charlotte, not to mention money for the kids after school snacks, how many kids are there? How much of that five bucks is left for 4 packs of Ho-hos and Jungle juice? Then he needs to pay for airport long term parking, tickets for I assume his wife him and their 4 fat kids to fly to Chicago, a taxi to a hotel, a hotel, his mothers discharge fees and her out standing medical bills? Then a flight back for 7?????!?!?!? and gas back to Raleigh? For FIVE BUCKS? WHAT IS THIS 1894? BEER!! AHA! That makes so much more sense.
"Hey dude!" He stops and turns. "Here's three bucks. That's enough for at least one forty. Have a blast and thanks for your honesty."
A look of elation takes over his face as if Buddha himself invited this vagrant into his garden of riches.
"Oh thank you! Thank you Mister!" I give him a stern look. " I'm sorry, I mean," he bows low, "Your Eminence." He turns and skips off the the University Quick stop, filled with the hope that only a large glass container of Old Milwaukee can bestow. I have done my part.

On Giving

Pet Peeve: The story of how you one time nobly tried to give a homeless person food...how they refused...how the reason was because they wanted money for drugs or booze...and how outrageous that is...

Case and point: that is not outrageous. Nearly every time the subject of homelessness arises, someone in the discussion volunteers this bu!!s#it of a story. I get it, you did something unselfish and extended your graciousness out to the community…in vain. There was an M. Night Shyamalan twist and alternate motives! Honestly, could you not have come to that conclusion without embarrassingly being rejected by a person that bathes at Barnes & Nobles. Is that is? Are you embarrassed? Of course they want alcohol. If I bathed at a bookstore, sleep on the street, fought for my life, ate bugs, BUGS!...dealt with the guilt of dropping out of Harvard Law to live by my radical ideals resulting in the abandonment of the thinklessness of mainstream society and homelessness…I MIGHT WANT A HOT TODDY.

A Mole the Size of Coal

Hey Waywards, I just found a new mole on my belly. Its about an inch above my belly button and to the right. It looks so weird, I mean, its never been there before! All the sudden you have a new marked place on your body and your like, “yep, that’s part of my body, its never going away…unless I get it medically assisted!” It is just weird to me. Its their rude intrusion that really ticks me off. Now that I’m of age to make decisions and I am used to the moles I have, I should I be consulted, or something.

Knock Knock, door opens.

Moles: “Hi we’re your new moles, since you have preferences you get to pick we’re your two new moles will go. We usually suggest hidden under the arm, or behind the ear were nobody will see our grotesqueness.”

Me: “Yeah, good suggestions, new moles, I mean, I’d be silly to place you right on my belly were pool side summer outings would suffer.”

They hop onto his body, and his day goes about almost completely unchanged.

No, this won’t happen! They just show up! Like an unwanted cat. My instincts are to throw this mole into a bag and smash it up against a brick wall like I’d do in middle school.

Wayward.

How to get Inspired with Wayward Ease

Inspiration sometimes is thought to be lost. Well, Waywards, its not. I just feels so. Inspiration is everywhere, and all it needs is your awareness of its presence.

Not convinced? Shut up! Listen, if your breathing right now, your inspired. If your reading these words, you either agree or disagree and your brains wheels are turning and you have some opinion. Yes. Yes you do, shut up...no you shut up...Your resistance is real, your consideration is real, your awareness is real. Just look at anything in the room that your sitting in and think: where did I get that? why do I have that? what is its relationship to me? There's a story there, there's history and life and possibilities.

I'll do it with you. Ok...I have a scented candle on my desk. Its clean linen smell. Shut up. I bought this for my girlfriend as a welcome-to-moving-to-New-York-gift and on the day we moved into a new apartment. haha- I just now realized we moved into a place that has no washer/dryer in the building.

Penises Snapping Everywhere!!!

Ouch! Can You Really Break Your Penis?

Holy shit has anybody else seen this? This is horrifying!
How do you prevent this? eat more protein? Do cock
push ups? More tomatoes, or is that just good for
prostate cancer prevention? either way I'm really
scared for my junk. Hopefully after reading this A lot of
guys will attempt to be a little less reckless with their
little pal.