Expounding on Glasses

I hold that contacts and good-eye sight stand for the bane of the existence of our modern community and the death of the discipline of all of the "Free thinkers"; discipline that these thinkers of freedom need. What a bunch of lazy cockroaches. Hmm what could we do? We could actually do something productive, (like march to a resounding fanfare of oppressive freedom) or we could sit around and think freely. Sit around on our asses and think freely. What do free thinkers REALLY think about? If you look at all of the words that have the word free in them what do you come up with? Lets see, freeloader, free sex, free drugs, free deaths, get-out-of-jail-free card, get-out-of-trouble free card, free money, genofreecide, infantifreecide. None of which are moral ideas. All of these terrible things are happening around us. We cry out "Why? Oh God why? Why is there death? why do all of these terrible things happen? Why did MacDonald's discontinue the Arch Deluxe, the burger with the grown up taste? WHY?" And we cry and we cry AND-WE-CRY. I know this sounds harsh; pull yourself up by your own bootstraps and such, and I know that many of you can't afford bootstraps or boots. But for the small price of a few dollars you can dig yourself out of this lazy lifestyle of whining and purchase a pair of reading glasses.Reading glasses look great, of course they give you something to play with or stick in your mouth and shut you up for five minutes, but I hold that the most important thing about glasses is that once you wear them you won't want to whine or stick anything in your mouth. No you will immediately feel a fantastic feeling. That is the feeling of Superiority, Condescension, that aloof removed better than you feeling that so much of us crave and badly need to pull us out of the recession or great depression of humble whining bitches.